And now, the end is near
The question of the day seems to be why?
Why has God forsaken us? Just kidding (sort of, that’s a multifaceted joke that I just don’t have time for right now).
Why can’t I bring myself to watch a single video or read a single piece of news about the Obama’s leaving the White House?
Why did I spend most of the day feeling wrung out like I’d had a good cry even though I didn’t cry at all?
Why did I feel as though I had already made a misstep in what is sure to be a long and arduous trudge through a harrowing political and social landscape?
Why am I even writing this?
I told myself I wouldn’t write anything political because so what, who cares? It is just one more opinion to heap onto the pile of wildly uninformed, incendiary, biased, hateful opinions floating around in the ether. I told myself I wouldn’t engage any further in the vitriolic atmosphere that is dominating public discourse. I told myself I wouldn’t stand with a finger raised in the air, shouting about something to which I had and have actively turned a blind eye.
I can’t claim to be informed. I can’t say that I’ve read articles and I’ve done my research and I’ve formulated an opinion from a place of knowledge. When he was elected I can’t say that my feelings arose from a strict following of his campaign, his ideologies, or who I thought he was and would be as a person, as a president. When he was elected my response was purely visceral. I felt gutted, as much as some might like to claim that that is hyperbole. I felt dumbfounded and I felt wounded not so much for myself but for everyone around me who was feeling that the country they live in chose someone who made them feel less than, who made them feel unwelcome.
This morning my alarm clicked on to news radio and I had to confront the reality that I’d done a decent job of ignoring. The time has come to see what will happen, the time has come to start listening.
I also heard a woman organizer speaking about this weekend’s Women’s March in Washington D.C. In conversation with my mother, I found out that she is attending by taking a bus overnight, marching for the day and then taking the bus overnight back. I was immediately struck with a sense of a pride, knowing that I come from a woman who marched for rights and her sense of right and wrong during the 60s and 70s and is inclined to do so again. Upon sharing this information with others, I was met with some push back.
Why would she do that? Nothing has happened yet. That’s a little ridiculous.
It’s fair to say that the early hours of the morning are never a good time for healthy debate but thinking on these aforementioned questions while I was on my way to work, I wanted to stop, pick my bike up above me head and smash it into the ground.
Why, indeed, would any woman take time to stand up for something she believes in? Why would any woman not see how ridiculous it is to protest or speak out against something without first waiting to see IF IT GETS WORSE? Why would a woman take time out of her own life to go and protest about nothing at all?
It’s like saying if someone says they’re going to fuck you up, why not just wait to see if they actually fuck you up? Why do something proactive against the perception or the idea of getting fucked up? Just let it happen and when you’re fucked up try THEN to do something to fix it.
And then I hear it’s just because of the liberal propaganda media pushing their agenda and women across the nation taking the bait. It’s because women are mad that Hillary Clinton didn’t win. It’s because Trump lets people pee on him. IT’S BECAUSE OF RUSSIA. Yes. Hundreds of thousands of women are going to march on Washington, on Chicago, on New York City, because the media told them Trump has a pee pee fetish. URINE MAKES ME FURIOUS, LOOK AT MY SIGN.
OR it could be because women feel some kind of way about this election, about things that have been said, about the man himself, about his cabinet, about his tweets, (about the dark, black heart of a demon beating in his chest), I DON’T CARE. Part of what makes this country what it is is our right to protest. Our right to a voice, to be heard, to express unpopular opinion freely. And it isn’t exclusionary. Everyone is invited. It is called a women’s march because women organized it but that doesn’t mean that people of all genders, races, opinions, etc. aren’t welcome. If nothing has happened then why are so many people willing to put their time and their emotions on the line? If nothing has happened why do citizens of this country feel like the way they live their lives is on trial? What’s so wrong with giving a damn? What’s so wrong about saying to the people around you I hear you and I care about you and I think you have a right to be here and a right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
My head is in a fishbowl. Everything seems wrong. I browse for a mere moment on the Internet, on Facebook and everyone hates everyone and everything is the worst. Everyone is mad and everyone is sad and while we spend time saying why and what everyone else is doing is wrong this country keeps getting worse. All I can do is use this feeling in my chest to start doing something that is worthwhile. Hopefully I can keep myself well informed without falling into the political mire and hatefulness.
And as an aside, I mean, if nothing else, the man chose ‘My Way’ as the song to which he will dance with his wife on his first night in office. Nothing romantic, nothing about starting a new journey together as husband and wife, nothing about her place in this situation, nothing about love. Only a thumb to nose about look at me here I am I did it My Way and somehow I ended up the fucking president of the United States (despite all the times I tried to clearly tell you that I shouldn’t be). But the first line of the song is ‘and now the end is near’ so maybe it really is a fitting first song. Just kidding. Sort of.